I wish I could teleport
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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