When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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