ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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