Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Randomize
