ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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