sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dick has a subreddit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
