she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize