SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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