My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
