i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
