Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
