I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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