Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
