I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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