I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
