one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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