but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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