I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
