After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
