he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
