When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
