you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
