i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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