its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
