So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
