high people should be assigned attendants
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
