i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
