next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
