Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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