oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
