Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
