You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
