does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
