Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
