For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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