I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
