Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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