Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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