I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
