he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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