Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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