we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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