WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
