By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
