His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
