i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
