On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
