who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
