Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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