Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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