just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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