I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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