Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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