Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
