Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
