she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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