You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
