either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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