My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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