i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
