Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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