I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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