The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
