about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
