tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
