So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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