the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
