You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
not ubering you a puppy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
