oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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