matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
