chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize