conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
