Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
