when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
